The World Has Changed

Wow! It has been a while. Just stumbled upon this blog while clearing my digital junks. 

I have actually forgotten some of these stories like the one about the shiniest ring.  So many things have happened in the time in between.  Many are simply captured as a snapshot of the moments and stored away on Google Photo. But the pictures alone cannot tell the stories as they were meant to be told. I am not sure whether I want to lay bare my thoughts and feelings now that Gracie is all grown up. Well, a grown up teen. Anyway, I am glad to have captured some of the snippets of life previously. 

The world has certainly changed. There is no clear end in sight for the COVID-19 pandemic. The whole family has been fully vaccinated. No time for complacency yet. The Delta variant is more infectious and many fully vaccinated people are confirmed to be COVID-19 positive. Thankfully, the vaccines seem to help in reducing the severity of the infection. We still do not know enough about the virus and there will be more mutations. So the future remains uncertain but I am hopefully that the children will inherit a better world.

Of Orphans And Separation

I was reading about a community project carried out by the US and Malaysia armed forces as part of their bilateral military exercise. They helped an orphanage by improving the facilities and bringing cheer to the children. These are orphans of Malaysian military personnel. Somehow the word 'orphan' made my heart ache. The thought of how tramautic it must be for them when they first lost their parents.

Later in the night, I recalled a news article I read on Sunday. It is about parents who leave their child in the care of a relative while they work.

One six-years old child was cared for by her grandmother on weekdays and returned home only during the weekend. It is not ideal as her parent explained, their situation does not allow them to have the best of both worlds. The parents are both IT professionals and their irregular working hours mean that they cannot use a childcare centre. They may not be available to pick up their child before the child care centre closes at 7pm. This has an adverse effect on the child. She developed behavioural problems like being anti-social and not wanting to go to school. The mother had to double the frequency of her visits to see her child, from once to twice a week, in addition to bringing her home on Friday instead of Saturday.

A young woman shared that for 12 years, home was where her heart was but where she could not be. She was subjected to the same arrangement as her parents are busy running their own businesses. However, 5 years after she finally moved back home, she find it hard to adjust. She was always envious of other children who can be with their parents. She does not have find memories of her childhood. Hugging her mother and refusing to let go was a routine every week when she was dropped off at her aunt's place.

When I was young, I was often left in the care of my maternal grandmother. I remember crying when my mother left. Later she would resort to sneaking away without goodbye. I did not have a particularly bad memories of those times. There was much to keep me entertained at my grandmother's house. It was surrounded by a garden and I spent ours exploring everything. Still, I dreaded going to my grandmother's place. I did not know how hard it was for my mother. Almost forty years later, she confided that she cried too. The first time she dropped me off, she actually returned to bring me home, after having a change of heart while on the bus home.

For me, nothing is worth the special bond between my daughter, Gracie and me. I don't need to be a millionaire and retire young. I will forgo all that in order to be around to catch the special and the ordinary moments of my child.

I feel sorry for orphans of the world and for the children who do not get to spend enough time with their parents. I hope they will still enjoy many special moments in their childhood.

I have something to tell you....

Gracie often push our hot buttons with this statement,"I wish to tell you something but I can afraid you will be angry." Then she will remain silent but it is easy to ply it out of her. Her innocence is such that she does not hide anything. If she thinks it is not right, she will still volunteer it by saying, "I want to tell you something but I can afraid you will be angry." Often it is innocent things like wanting to eat ice cream or something.

Yesterday, she added a twist by telling my wife,"I want to tell you something but you will be so happy that you can't sleep." "I will tell you when you are older."

Naturally my wife was curious. Finally, Gracie was persuaded to revealed her thoughts. She said, "When you are older, I will buy you the bigger and shiniest ring!" My wife laughed and replied that indeed she would be too happy to sleep.

Gracie replied, "I told you so!"

What Will I Do When I Grow Up?

Gracie has just turned five. Two days ago, she asked me a question which surprised me.

"There are so many things in the world, what will I do when I grow up?", she asked, out of the blue. I still do not know what prompted that question. Some times, what goes through a child's mind, is astonishing.

As she was so serious, I replied with something I am not sure she would understand. I said, "There are many things in this world, that you have yet to learn about. As you grow older, you will learn more and more, in the things you observe, during school and what daddy will teach you. You will find something that you love doing. Once you discover what you love, do all you can to learn more and be good at what you love. That is what you will do when you grow up."

She pondered in silence before nodding her head. I do believe that she understood what I said. Whether she can remember it as she grows old, is another matter. I am making a mental note to have this conversation again when she is older.

After a while, Gracie declared solemnly that she wanted to be a princess. I smiled. Gracie has always been fascinated by fairy tales about princesses. Gracie then wondered out loud about how she will find a prince.

"There are many princes in this world. In the many stories that daddy told you, there is always just one prince. But when you put all the stories together, there are many princes, right?"

"What is important is to be good at what you will do when you grow up. The right prince will then come looking for you. Remember, there are good princes and there are bad princes."

"Surely, you do not want a rich prince who will eat so much that he will become a fatty, five years after marriage? Or a prince who just want to dance all day and make your feet hurt? Or a prince who is good looking but squander all his money and let you go hungry?"

"So, do you want to be a clever princess? Or just a pretty princess who is not good at anything?"

"I want to be a clever princess!"

That's my girl!

You Used To Cover Me With Blanket

I heard this from a colleague the other day and I thought it is totally hilarious. We are talking about our spouses over lunch, giving a newly wedded some advice. My colleague shared how his wife would complain about petty stuff. His wife said he used to make sure that she was covered properly with a blanket at night but now, he is not so attentive. That had me laughing because those are the exact words that my wife used.

Momento For The Afterlife

Yesterday, my daughter, Gracie asked me to choose between two of her soft toys, a teddy bear and the alien creature from the Stephen Chow's movie, CJ7. I chose the teddy bear. Gracie then said, "Bring it along with you when you go to heaven. When you miss me, just look at this."

Lately, Gracie, 2 months shy of her fifth birthday, was concerned about me dying. She then hugged me and told me that she is afraid that I will grow old.

I remember when I was young, I cried secretly at the thought that my mother will one day die. But I was definitely not as young as Gracie then. I was perhaps ten or so. I wish Gracie will have more care free days before having to think about the more morbid stuff of life. My father and grandmother died when Gracie was three. Earlier in the day, at the playground, I overheard her telling a playmate about her family members and that her grandfather had passed away. I am not sure what led to these thoughts about death. I suspect it is some of the TV drama that she watched. Mental note - need to cut down on TV time.

Re-learning Mandarin

Oh-uh! I am in trouble. I know this day is coming but I didn't expect it to come so soon - coming to grip with my Chinese language again.

Gracie asked me how to write the numerals in Mandarin. Normally, Raine would handle Mandarin while I handle the English language for our 5-years old. But hey, I can handle 1 to 10. Yeah, right! I got stuck at 9. I had a hint of the problem at 7. I can vaguely remember the numbers but I wasn't so sure and 9 took the opportunity to floor me. I had to admit to Gracie that I had forgotten. It came back to me after a few minutes but it hit me that I had forgotten so much of what I had learnt in school. Just at a time when Mr Lee Kwan Yew was encouraging Singaporeans to use more Mandarin at home with their children and leave English to be taught by teachers at school.

Sheesh! Need to hit the book on Mandarin again. Just to keep up and be able to tutor Gracie. I gave on Mandarin years ago. I absolutely hated the subject. Mainly because of one lousy teacher - Mr Tan, my Mandarin lesson teacher in Primary 3 and Primary 5. I was tortured for 2 whole years and traumatised for the past thirty odd years. I look forward to Mandarin lesson as eagerly as one would look forward to having one's finger nails yanked out, and then dipped in sea water. I was humiliated every week when the result of the weekly spelling test was announced. I was made to stand in front of the class and given a dressing down before being smacked on my palm with a ruler.

The worst was dealt by my classmate. Once, my teacher organised a class debate in Primary 5 and divided the class into 2 opposing teams. The topic was whether a woman can be the President of Singapore. I was one of the top students in my class then (but obviously not in Chinese language). So, over my feeble protests (I was already paralysed whenever I attended Mandarin lessons), my classmate chose me to be one of the debaters. I was sick in the stomach for a few days. When the day of the debate came, my team mates thrusted at me, a few newspaper clippings and told me to read them. The next 5 minutes seem like hours as I stuttered and muttered. I broke out in cold sweats when I realised I could not even read most of the words. After a while, I gave up trying and fell silent. The whole class was quiet for a few moments, adding to my severe discomfort. It was worst than being hit by my teacher - the realisation that I was indeed that bad in my command of the Chinese language.

Fortunately, I had great teachers in Primary 6 and Secondary 4. The crucial years for examination (Primary School Leaving Examination and O Level respectively). Mdm Chen and Mrs Lim were perhaps, the most influential people in my life. They did not gave up on me. They gave me good reasons to study harder. Amazingly, I scored A for PLSE Chinese language and B3 for O level.

Of course, after leaving school, I left behind my Mandarin. In daily life, I use either English or Hainanese. I only spoke Mandarin to a few close friends. Well, until I met Raine. That is a story that I have already written about earlier.

Moving forward, I need to regain my proficiency in Mandarin. Sign!~ Thankfully, Mdm Chen and Mrs Lim had already proven to me that I can do it. Now it is for me to demonstrate to Gracie.

The Game Of 5 Stones

I bought a pack of "5 stones" for Gracie recently, from the museum. 5 stones is a game played with little bean bags. It was popular with girls when I was young. It certainly bring back memories as I also like playing 5 stones.

It is a good game for practising eye-hand coordination. It is played with 5 bean bags that can all fit into the palm of a child.

Here are the rules for the game of 5 stones.

Decide who get to start first. The player's turn ends when a mistake is made. To be continued from the point where the mistake was made when the other player makes a mistake.

A player would go through a cycle of tossing and catching the bags or "stones". Completing a cycle would earn a point. The player with the most points wins.

Here is how you play the game of 5 stones:
Step 1: Throw the 5 stones on the ground. Using only one hand, pick and throw one in the air, while picking up another. Then catch the first stone before it lands on the floor. Throw one of the stones in your hand and then pick up another from the floor. Catch the airborne stone before it hits the ground. repeat until all the stones are in your hand.

Step 2: This is the same as step 1 but you pick up 2 stones at a time after throwing one in the air.

Step 3: Same as step 1 and 2 but this time, you catch 3 stones after throwing the first stone in the air. For the remaining stone, do as per step 1.

Step 4: Throw 1 stone in the air and scoop up all the remaining 4 stones before catching the first stone.

Step 5: With all the stones in your palm, throw 1 in the air. Then place the remaining 4 on the floor before catching the first stone. Then repeat step 4.

Step 6: Throw all the stones onto the floor. Pick 2 and throw 1 in the air, exchange the stone in your hand with another from the ground. Then catch the falling stone. Repeat

Step 7: This is like step 6 but throw 2 stones in the air. Pick one from the ground and catch the first 2 falling stones, one in each hand. Repeat until you have 3 stones in one hand and 2 stones in the other. Throw the 2 stones in the air and catch one with each hand. Finish by throwing the last stone in hand and catching it with the other hand.

Step 8: Throw all the 5 stones. Let your opponent choose a stone to be thrown. Then play as like step 4.

7 Simple Ways To Help Nurture Your Child

I read something similar some time ago. Reflecting on my own experience, I thought it is very true that how we interact with our child is important. Yes, a child needs to hear us say "I love you."

Here are some of the words that we should use on our child everyday to nurture a happy and confident child.

1. What do you think? / Tell me more.
Asking your child what he or she thinks, show that you value his/ her opinion. It gives the child space to develop opinion with your guidance. It increases self-confidence and is great for bonding as it shows that you are interested in what he/ she has to say. Words like 'tell me more', show that you are keen to hear your child's opinion and thinking. It encourages conversation without sounding like you are giving advice.

2. That's alright.
When things don't turn out well, reassurance will help your child to focus on the positive aspect of things.

3. Good Job!
Celebrating small success will build confidence and increases the sense of security. It will spur your child to better achievement. It is the difference between taking on increasingly challenging tasks or giving up at the first sign of trouble.

4. Please and Thank You.
Set the example. Ask your child to do things politely and say thank you to acknowledge the effort. It says that you appreciate your child's effort and that it matters.

5. How are you today?
This is a powerful bonding tool. By showing your child that you are interested in his/ her life, it builds up healthy 2-way communication  and your child. It shows that youy are interested in what your child is doing and how he/ she feels.

6. You can do it!
Giving a vote of confidence help to develop determination in your child. Sometimes, everybody need a little push and encouragement.

7. I love it.
You can never say this often enough. Do not assume that your child knows that you love him/ her. Give hugs often. A child will really blossom when he/ she feels loved and secured.

4.

The Dead Sea Scrolls - Now Available Online

Five of the main Dead Sea scrolls are now available online as part of a joint project between the Israel Museum and Google. The Dead Sea scrolls contain some of the oldest-known surviving biblical texts.
The online digital images are ultra high-resolution images in a format which is easily searchable, with the magnified text revealing details previously invisible to the naked eye.

The  Dead Sea scrolls that have been digitised are : the Great Isaiah scroll, the Community Rule scroll, the commentary on Habbakuk, the Temple scroll and the War scroll.



Visit http://dss.collections.imj.org.il/ to view all the text of the Dead Sea scrolls. Don't worry, there is a translation tool available.

How Time Flies

I was thinking about an old friend recently.  I was trying to recall how long it has been since we last met. It has been more than 7 years I think. Time flies. Time really flies when you get older.

I think it is because most of the more vivid memories are in our prime - when we are in our twenties and thirties. So when we are in our late twenties or thirties, it doesn't seen to be so long ago. But when we hit forties and still think back of the good ole days of the twenties, it seems so long ago. That's when time seems to fly.

We are in our twenties, 5 years is an awfully long time. It is a quarter if our lives. But when we are in our forties, 5 years is but an eighth of a life spent thus far. By comparison, it seems so short.

Being more conscious of how precious time is, made me treasure the time spent with loved ones. Even when Gracie asked me to play Barbie dolls or cooking, I would oblige. In no time, she would grow up and would want more time for herself. So every minute, every hour is to be treasured.

The Wisdom Of A Child

Recently, my wife asked my 5-years old daughter, Gracie, who she likes. Is it my brother-in-law or my sister-in-law? Now, Gracie don't see them often as they live in China. So she takes a while to warm up to them whenever she visits them in China. During one of the visits, my wife asked this question. Initially, Gracie declined to answer. Quite a diplomat, she is. When pressed for an answer, Gracie, replied that she likes her cousin.

This reminded me of an old Jewish proverb - when given a choice between two paths, choose the third.

The amazing wisdom of a child

Take a day off?

My 5-years old daughter, Gracie suggested that I take a day off to keep her company recently. I pointed out that she need to go to school. Her innocent reply? If I take the day off, she could be sick and be excused from class.
Hmmm...

I do treasure the time spent with my daughter. My employer is enlightened enough to grant 6 extra days of leave each year for parents with child who is less than 6 years old. All in, I get 34 days of leave each year. not counting the weekends and holidays. Somehow, that is never enough. Now that Gracie has started schooling, my leave plan revolve around the school holidays. And that is only 4 times a year. Now I start to appreciate the behaviour of colleagues who are parents when I was single.

That's Life

My wife pestered me to sign up for Parent Volunteer Program for priority registration to River Valley Primary School for Gracie. And she used her strategic weapons upfront in the opening blow including "why do you not care about your daughter!". I just didn't see it coming and was caught with pant down (Remember. Next time. To avoid being caught with pant down, lock the door when changing out of work clothes.)

Having lost the skirmish, I tried to sign up as volunteer with the school.

"Sorry, if you are registering for primary school in 2012, we stopped accepting parent volunteers on 18 Jan as we had too many! Try registering in June for 2013."

Oops! Well, that's life...

My wife's mood darkened. "See! I told you! I TOLD YOU! Our neighbours had already fulfilled the 40hours of work required.....I don't care......try the next better school...."

Sigh!~Time to don battle armour....

Wait! By stroke of luck, River Valley Primary School was formed by combining 4 old primary schools, one of which was Kim Seng West Primary School which I attended. I checked back with the school. And YES! I am considered an ex-student! And yes, I still have my old school report card. So I have priority over all the parent volunteers! HA!
Yippee! Hoo Whoo! Just like striking the lottery! I am now off the hook, no need to be a parent school volunteer!

Happily, I told my wife and peace prevail in the household for a day......

"Hey, mum, remember my school report card and some junk which I kept in an old metal box in your house?"
"Huh? Where got? All thrown away long ago!". Mother turned her attention back to the Taiwanese TV serial that she was watching. The refrain from the theme song resounded in the room.."wah men tee, wah men teeee (I asked the sky, why , why ,why..."

That's life.

Luckily, there was a happy ending. My Primary School Leaving Examination certificate was still around. PHEWS!

Preparing for Primary School

Getting into a good primary school in Singapore requires some preparation. Recently, I was coerced into volunteering for the school of choice by my wife. Unfortunately, River Valley Primary School stopped accepting parent volunteers 6 months ago. And that was for children going to primary in 2012! Many parents have already completed the required 40 hrs of volunteer work 2 years ahead. That would give them priority for registration under Phase 2B.  I was about to sign up with Radin Mas Primary School when I found out that I qualified as an old boy for River Valley Primary School. My old primary school, Kim Seng West Primary School was combined with Kim Seng East Primary School to form Kim Seng Primary School a few years after I left. Subsequently, Kim Seng Primary was combined with River Valley English School and River Valley Chinese School, to form River Valley Primary School. So luckily, my stint in Kim Seng West Primary School was considered to be having studied at River Valley Primary School. That gave me priority under Phase 2A(2). Just ahead of the parent volunteers! Phews! Based on the vacancies, Gracie is more or less assured of a place in River Valley Primary School. I will be tracking the vacancies by phases during this year's registration exercise. It will give interested parents an idea of their chances at each phase of Singapore's complicated primary school registration process.

Preparing for Fatherhood

Gracie is now 5 years old. Looking back, I guess I do not prepare myself at all for fatherhood. Fortunately, things worked out well although there were trying times. I want to document some of my thoughts on how to prepare for fatherhood. I hope you will benefit from my experience.

It take time and effort. So obviously, there will be compromises. I gave up golf for more than 5 years now although I am still paying for my country club membership all this while. I think I seriously need to think about giving the membership all together. I spend almost all my time with Gracie when I am not at work. I had thought that I would have more free time when she is older. Wrong there. As she grew, she sleep less. When she could communicate, she want to be engaged in activities all the time. So I spend hours reading to her, playing with a toy kitchen and play dough. They said that fatherhood is tough, well, I have no idea that it is testing me in different dimensions.

I guess I did not have a good role model for starter. Looking back, I guess there are ways to compensate. By observing others for example. Anyway, I was very worried about whether I would do well as  father. So I tried very hard. I think I may have borrowed close to a thousand books to read to Gracie. I can borrow up to 24 books at a time and I visit the library twice or trice a week.

I am tough. I can take the sleepless nights and the physical demands. Whew! It is the emotional demands that knocked me down many times. I quickly learnt to keep a level head. My wife has a quick temper. So I had to compensate and provide the stability for a healthy environment. I think a good temperment is especially important now that Gracie is old enough to observe our behaviour as parents. When she was younger, there was one occasion when I smashed my fist on the coffee and stormed out of the house with Gracie in arms. That stopped the quarrel between my wife and her mother. But that didn't stopped my wife from blowing up every now and then. I kept my temper even as I squeamed inside as I tried to remind my wife not to quarrel in front of Gracie. I guess a good strong bond between spouses is a necessity for parenthood. It is a great support for the trials of parenthood. So even as you get busy in parenting, do not forget to nourish your relationship with your wife. Take time out alone. My wife really appreciate that I tried. We could not go out alone ourselves until recently. If neither of us was with Gracie, she would cry. Boy, can she cry. The first time my wife and I tried going to a pub, Gracie cried for 2 hours until my wife reached home. My wife only stayed in the pub for 15min before my mother gave up and recalled us. My wife graciously allowed me to stay with my friends for a drink. It would be years later before we could go out together. Nowadays, my wife would go out for partying with her friends while I stay home. I guess I can do without the partying although I still meet up with friends occasionally.

Before I was married, I did not interact much with my nieces and nephews. Such prior experience of looking after children would have helped. The first time that I had such an experience was bringing my wife's nephew to a shopping mall by myself. It was uncomfortable at first, being solely responsible for a young child. Well, I guess a new father would very quickly settle down in this area. Still, it would help to be prepared.

At this stage of my life, I am most concerned about work life balance. I am fortunately that my employer is a strong advocate of work life balance. At the national level, Singapore encourages happy family life and wellness. I get 6 days of child care leave each year. That is most welcomed. But then I realised that I could hardly consumed my annual leave in the first place. That make me sit and think about my working life. In the past 2 years, I have twice rejected an overseas posting to France and Australia. It would have been good for Gracie to expose her to a different environment. But I have other considerations. My mother has a growing attachment to Gracie. She would not leave with us if I were posted overseas. I do want my mother to be happy in her old age. I cannot be a good parent without being good to my parent. How we do one thing, is how we do everything.

The New Gracie

Gracie was being difficult. She was having 'milk withdrawal' symptoms. She often get cranky in the afternoon when she need to get her 'milk fix'. On Tuesday, she cried and was rude to my mother, chasing her away from the room. My mother knew just what she needed and make her some milk. After Gracie finished drinking her milk, she went looking for my mother. She coyly asked my mother, "Who was that naughty girl who cried just now?" My mother was preparing dinner in the kitchen then. As my mother amusedly turned another, Gracie struggled to find her words. Then Gracie said,"I am the new Gracie." That brought a big smile to my mother.

Would You Tweet When Your Child Is Dying?

Would you tweet when your child is dying. This was all over the international news - a woman tweeted while emergency workers tried to revive her 2-years old child who was found at the bottom of a swimming pool. I reflected on this. I would not judge her harshly. What do you think? This is lifted off http://www.usatoday.com/

At 5:22 p.m., Shellie Ross ,an avid blogger and tweeter, posted a message about the fog that rolled in as she worked in her chicken coop. At 5:23 p.m., her 11-year-old son, Kris made an emergency call to police, according to Joe Martin, Brevard County homicide investigator. Ross and her son had found Bryson at the bottom of the pool. While Kris was calling for help on the phone, Ross performed CPR procedure on Bryson, said Martin.

Bryson was taken to Cape Canaveral Hospital where he was pronounced dead at 6 p.m. At 6:12 p.m. as Shellie Ross waited in a hospital for the word on her son, she posted this note on Twitter: "Please pray like never before, my 2 yr old fell in the pool."

Ross was later notified at 6:31 p.m. about her son's death.

"Her tweeting had nothing to do with what happened with regard to her son. It was an accident," Martin said. No charges will be filed.

When I first read the report, it was distorted, as was many reports on the net. I was led to believe that Ross tweeted on the side when emergency workers were performing CPR or something like that. In the light on the report from USAtoday, she was merely asking her usual support group for help. No different from making a call to a close family friend in times of need.

Quarrels

Raine has a short fuse. She just had another of those sudden squalls. She would blow her fuse over small matter. When I refused to be dragged into a quarrel, she would simmer within and just erupt suddenly. It just happened an hour ago. Looking back with some mirth, I guessed I had learnt something. In the past, I would totally ignore her, which would infuriate her more. Just now, I decided that I should apologise and so I did. It caught her by surprise and she sulkingly said everything is fine.

It started innocently. She was feeding Gracie. Something which she has no patience for. I offered to take over but Gracie insisted otherwise. So Raine was stuck with the task. Feeding Gracie normally take an hour. Only my mother is happy doing so - most of the time. Even my mother get exasperated sometimes. Anyway, Raine was getting irritated because Gracie was taking her own sweet time chewing. Raine raised her voice several times. Gracie then asked for water and she did so in a loud voice. I immediately admonished her in a soft tone. Raine made a sarcastic remark about the way I spoke softly. I was annoyed that she did so in front of Gracie. I retorted that Gracie learnt to be rude and loud from her. That hit a tender spot! Raine then shouted at me, saying that I am setting a bad example by saying such things in front of Gracie. Talk about irony. I grew angry and just clammed up. When I refused to engage in verbal combat, Raine's rage would grow and spin out of control. This time is no different. After 10 minutes, when Gracie was slow in taking another spoonful, Raine threw down the bowl with a bang and strode off into the bedroom, slamming the door loudly after her.

I was furious because I can see that Gracie was visibly affected. My mother heard the door slammed and she came into the living room to see what was wrong. She is wise and she kept quiet instead of asking what's wrong. I went on to feed Gracie. Gracie was tired as she did not nap in the afternoon. As usual, Raine did not try hard enough to get Gracie to sleep. That is another thing that gnaws at me.

Gracie fall asleep almost as soon as she finished eating. She asked for her mother because she knew something was not right. She did not protest as she normally would, when I told her that mommy is having a bath. Gracie then asked to be carried and she fall asleep in my arms within minutes.

I carried Gracie to the bedroom. Raine hurried to get the bed ready. She did not give the cold treatment to both of us as I had expected, so I relented as well. After putting Gracie to bed, I touched Raine and apologised. She refused to look at me but she replied that she was fine. Many times in the past when we had such quarrel, I would simply ignore her and go for a walk. Raine simply could not accept that. She needs to blow off her anger by yelling and arguing. Over the years, we have both learnt to be more accommodating. I know she has accepted that I do not like confrontation and I learn to just stand still in the firing zone for a while. Many times in the past, our quarrels lasted for 1 - 2 days. And they are normally over trivial matters. I guess that is part of marriage - to be continually tested.

Carrying A Baby

When Raine was pregnant, a senior colleague, Prakesh, gave me this advice. He said carry and hug your child as much as you like. Do not heed the advice of some old folks who think that carrying a baby too often would lead to undesirable behaviour from the baby. This seems to be a common thinking among the Chinese and Indian. Prakesh who is a grandfather lamented otherwise. He advised that children will grow up fast and before you know it, they will be running away from you. He regret not carrying and holding his grandchild often enough. Now the child desist being carried.

When I was younger I have heard this from my grandmother. Do not spoil a baby by carrying him or her whenever the baby cries. With Gracie, I did not really think about this issue. I just did what is natural. I would hold her and protect her. Now Raine constantly complained that I had spoiled her. Gracie would want to be carried whenever we go out, shopping or for a meal. Raine is annoyed because she is suffering from "slipped disc" and could not carry Gracie.

Gracie get plenty of exercise running and playing, of course. In fact, she loves to climb stairs. I would sometimes allow her to climb the stairs instead of taking the lift to our apartment. 9 flights of stairs.

I must admit that Gracie is somewhat spoiled in that way but it delights my mother to no end. My mother who must be among the most patient person anywhere, would drop whatever she is doing and carrying her precious granddaughter whenever Gracie went to her and asked to be carried. Sometimes out of the blue, Gracie would say, "it has been a long while since I was carried." It would bring a big smile to my mother's face as she hug and carry Gracie. "Bao. Bao"- that's Mandarin for hug, hold or carry. And Gracie's command to be carried.

Now I understand Prakesh's advice. Some day, Gracie would be too big to be carried. She would be too busy exploring the world as well. I hope she will always find time for "Bao.Bao."