Potty Training - A Long Long Story

We had a hard time with potty training. Gracie refuse to use a potty. From the time that she can walk, she does her business standing up. She has developed a funny hand clapping ritual too. When she is ready to start, she will wave her palms to warn us away. Nobody is allowed near her at all. Or even to look at her. She will scream her protests. Her favourite position is at the foot of our bed. She would go through this pattern of patting the bed with both hands, then clapping her hands. After that, she would clasp her hands together and strain for a while before repeating the whole pattern. Initially, we were very concerned as she is a very picky eater, refusing vegetable and diet supplements. So constipation is common. A few times, we had to bring her to the hospital as she had struggled to pass motion for a few hours. It tored at my heart to see her screaming as the nurse inserts a suppository. My wife has the uneviable task of inserting the suppository at home a few times. Gracie is now terrified of all doctors and nurses, also partly due to the vacination injections she had received. She is also wary of being near my wife when she pass motion. So the task of cleaning up often falls on me. For a 10 kg child, she is very strong when she is terrified. It is a very dramatic affair. She would be sobbing and screaming the whole time. Not easy to clean up the poop when she is all tense up and refuses to bend over. Another of my tasks is to comfort her after that, as she will not let anybody else hold her. So I would hold her in a hug and walked around till she fell asleep.

My wife and I often spoke about filming the whole affair to show Gracie after she grows up. We thought we will have a good laugh about it. We never did film the whole episode, it is just too painful to watch her suffer through it. Prune juice seems to be the best remedy so far. So it is a daily affair to try to get her to drink some. Things are better now. I guess we will have a laugh about this when she grows older. For now, we are still trying to do potty training!

The Beach - A Favourite Place

That's Gracie with my wife at the beach at the East Coast Park. Her favorite place. Actually, any place with sand is her favorite place. This was taken in Feb 2008 when she is one year and two months old. Around the time that she learnt that sand is not for eating.

We were out at the beach on Sentosa Island. When we were not looking, Gracie shove a handful of sand into her mouth. Luckily, there is washing point nearby and we rushed to rinse her mouth. Gracie was quite crossed with being manhandled like that.

When she is playing with sand, she is in a world of her own. She is mesmerised by repeated action of scooping and pouring sand away. The beach is also a great place for Raine and I to unwind. The East Coast Park is around 19 kilometres long. It is easy to find a spot with fewer people. I can just lose myself glazing at the sea and the sky. One can see airliners queuing up to land at the Changi Airport. Two minutes apart. On the seas, in the distance anchorage, scores of ship covered the horizon. Almost obscuring Batam, one of the thousands islands of Indonesia. It is both bustling and serene.

Raine is still settling down after five years in Singapore. I know she misses her friends in China. So far, Gracie has been to China twice. Each time was a great adventure. The last trip in 2008 was not so pleasant as my wife was taken ill and hospitalised for two weeks. I rushed over to keep her company. I could not spend much time with Gracie during the day. That was the first time that Gracie was apart from either of us for more than a few hours. She has adjusted by the time I went over. It was the Olympic Games period and China has tightened security. Normally, with a Singapore passport, I can visit China for up to 14 days without visa. During the Olympic games, it was an anxious three days process. By the time, I reached Wuhan, China, Gracie has stopped crying for her mother. I was so relieved to see her but she cried when she saw me. We met at the hospital. Gracie refused to let me carry her initially. We have been apart for two weeks then. It took her half an hour to loosen up and then when she let me carry her, she held on so tightly that my heart was wrenched.

The hospital was a cultural shock. I have been to China a few times but I really did not expect the hospital to be like this. Well, that is another story for another time. To talk about dungeon and the great industralised city of Wuhan.

I Dun Wanna Go Home

"Wo Bu Yao Hui Jia" - I do not want to go home.
That's Gracie's pet phrase. She loves to go on a trip. To the mall, to the library, to the beach, anywhere. And when it is time to return home, she will be wailing that she don't want to go home. Sometimes, that's the first thing she says upon leaving the house. All our neighbours are familiar with her tantrums at the playground by now. My wife suffers from backache - just confirmed as slipped disc. So she could not forcibly carry Gracie home from the playground. She will often summon me to do so. Initially, it is easy to distract Gracie by talking about other things, perhaps relating to her recent experience with things and people, and through that, get her to go home peacefully. A few times, I lost my temper, resorting to threats and angry tone. And found that Gracie is very stubborn indeed. Threats just do not work. Now, it is an exercise in tact and tactic. No wonder, people says that good parenting is good leadership.

Yes, she has grown. She is two years and seven months old now. I cannot remember when she starts talking but the first word she uttered was "kai" - to open. Referring to snack packs. She loves snacks especially peanuts and potato chips. I like potato chips too but I had to give it up as I do not want she to eat too much snacks. As it is, she has problem with bowel movement. I had to send her to the child hospital thrice already. She simply refuses veg and water. It is only lately she learned the association between not drinking water, not eating vegetables and the painful episodes of constipation. That is another story. A long long story indeed.

Reflections

I have not written in a long while.

I have been reflecting on many things since my father was diagnosed with 4th stage small cell lung cancer. Doctor gave him a 10-15% chance of surviving a year. Recently, he had to stop all treatment as his body could not take further dose of chemotherapy. He already had the maximum dosage for radiotherapy.

I do not know my father. I have a faint memory of him taking the whole family for late night supper at the Killiney Road market. The market has long been torn down. I think it is at the site where the present Telecom building is. I don't know for sure. I was probably 4 or 5 years old then. I do remember that he bought some fatty pork for us. Somehow I enjoyed eating that. Strange because all my life, I can only remember that I greatly detest the smell and taste. I can throw up at slightest hint of fat in my mouth.

All my other memories of my father have been unpleasant. He spent more than 30 years gambling and alienating himself from his family.

Before I married, I have often wondered whether I can be a better father.

Now,with Gracie, failure is simply not an option. I fear more that I may die prematurely and I cannot be there for her as she grows up. My heart wrenches because I know I may not always turn away from danger. Definitely not if my duties demand it. The world has always been in turmoil. Nobody can really take peace for granted. Save for the innocents.

We were all innocent once. I wish for the children of this world to be able to take living for granted and to keep their innocence a bit longer.

Life's cycle

This is a belated post. It was filed under draft and forgotten....

My father was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer 2 weeks ago. Today, I learnt that the doctor gave him 15% chance of living for one year. Double that if on chemotherapy.

I do not know my father well. He was hooked on gambling for most of his life, enstrangling my mother and the rest of the family. I do not know him at all.


The longest conversation we ever had was a few years ago when he was first stricken by hypertension and fainted. The next day, I took time out from work to see how he was. I spent more than 30 min lecturing him on his failure as a father and husband. He was sober....

Powered By Milk

It seems that the duration of our outing is dictated by the supply of milk. A bottle for every 3 hours. Gracie also like the comfort of the child safety seat. She often falls asleep during a drive. I would then need to time the drive properly to avoid disturbing her nap too often. It is either a rushed meal to get home before her nap time or a slower than usual drive. Or a long detour going up to Mount Faber so that she can sleep longer.

I think we have spoilt her somewhat. She has probably seen more of Singapore than many people. Right before her third month, we started to bring her out. Her first trip out was to the flower festival at the Sentosa. She was asleep for half the time. Nowaday, she look forward to an outing. Her favourite must be to the children playground. She can't walk but will flail her hands wildly in excitement at the sight of children playing. When I do take her out for a stroll just before dinner when no children are playing, she will be pensive. In fact, as she grew older, she smiles less. Perhaps, due to flat expressions that greet her as people hurried on their way home after a long day. She still gaggles and giggles at strangers if they do look at her. And she will then turn her face away coyly, stuffing both her hands into her mouth. That usually provokes a delighted smile. Otherwise, she will stare intently at each and every person who walks past, hoping for some human response. I hope she will not lose that innocent happiness too soon.

We want to expose her to as many different sights as possible. Her passport has been processed and we are planning for her first overseas trip. To China, her mother's homeland. I cannot accompany her throughout due to work commitment. My heart already aches at the thought of not seeing her for a few weeks. Well, for now, it is the regular trips to the botanical garden, parks and malls. Powered by milk in thermo flask.

Back to work! Sigh!~

I went back to work today after a long 3 months break. By mid-morning, I start to miss Gracie badly. I kept picturing her flapping her arms, signalling that she wants to be pick up. During lunchbreak, I gave a call home. Raine immediately bombarded me with irritated questions. Why didn't I replace the washing machine lint filter after washing it? Why did I dump my towel together with the other dirty clothes? Ack ack ack ack!!! I didn't even get a chance to answer and then she asked me ,what's up? What am I calling about?
er.....I suddenly remember why I would be glad to go back to work.
"I miss you both, dear."
"Really! All the time that you were home, you had to spend your time on the computer!"

I had long learnt that silence is the best defense when she is in one of her moods.

Too bad, Gracie can't talk yet. Well, I hope that she will still be awake when I get home. I am also as happy to watch her sleep peacefully. After all these years, there is finally something that really make the drive home enjoyable. And absence do make the heart fonder.