Of Orphans And Separation

I was reading about a community project carried out by the US and Malaysia armed forces as part of their bilateral military exercise. They helped an orphanage by improving the facilities and bringing cheer to the children. These are orphans of Malaysian military personnel. Somehow the word 'orphan' made my heart ache. The thought of how tramautic it must be for them when they first lost their parents.

Later in the night, I recalled a news article I read on Sunday. It is about parents who leave their child in the care of a relative while they work.

One six-years old child was cared for by her grandmother on weekdays and returned home only during the weekend. It is not ideal as her parent explained, their situation does not allow them to have the best of both worlds. The parents are both IT professionals and their irregular working hours mean that they cannot use a childcare centre. They may not be available to pick up their child before the child care centre closes at 7pm. This has an adverse effect on the child. She developed behavioural problems like being anti-social and not wanting to go to school. The mother had to double the frequency of her visits to see her child, from once to twice a week, in addition to bringing her home on Friday instead of Saturday.

A young woman shared that for 12 years, home was where her heart was but where she could not be. She was subjected to the same arrangement as her parents are busy running their own businesses. However, 5 years after she finally moved back home, she find it hard to adjust. She was always envious of other children who can be with their parents. She does not have find memories of her childhood. Hugging her mother and refusing to let go was a routine every week when she was dropped off at her aunt's place.

When I was young, I was often left in the care of my maternal grandmother. I remember crying when my mother left. Later she would resort to sneaking away without goodbye. I did not have a particularly bad memories of those times. There was much to keep me entertained at my grandmother's house. It was surrounded by a garden and I spent ours exploring everything. Still, I dreaded going to my grandmother's place. I did not know how hard it was for my mother. Almost forty years later, she confided that she cried too. The first time she dropped me off, she actually returned to bring me home, after having a change of heart while on the bus home.

For me, nothing is worth the special bond between my daughter, Gracie and me. I don't need to be a millionaire and retire young. I will forgo all that in order to be around to catch the special and the ordinary moments of my child.

I feel sorry for orphans of the world and for the children who do not get to spend enough time with their parents. I hope they will still enjoy many special moments in their childhood.

I have something to tell you....

Gracie often push our hot buttons with this statement,"I wish to tell you something but I can afraid you will be angry." Then she will remain silent but it is easy to ply it out of her. Her innocence is such that she does not hide anything. If she thinks it is not right, she will still volunteer it by saying, "I want to tell you something but I can afraid you will be angry." Often it is innocent things like wanting to eat ice cream or something.

Yesterday, she added a twist by telling my wife,"I want to tell you something but you will be so happy that you can't sleep." "I will tell you when you are older."

Naturally my wife was curious. Finally, Gracie was persuaded to revealed her thoughts. She said, "When you are older, I will buy you the bigger and shiniest ring!" My wife laughed and replied that indeed she would be too happy to sleep.

Gracie replied, "I told you so!"

What Will I Do When I Grow Up?

Gracie has just turned five. Two days ago, she asked me a question which surprised me.

"There are so many things in the world, what will I do when I grow up?", she asked, out of the blue. I still do not know what prompted that question. Some times, what goes through a child's mind, is astonishing.

As she was so serious, I replied with something I am not sure she would understand. I said, "There are many things in this world, that you have yet to learn about. As you grow older, you will learn more and more, in the things you observe, during school and what daddy will teach you. You will find something that you love doing. Once you discover what you love, do all you can to learn more and be good at what you love. That is what you will do when you grow up."

She pondered in silence before nodding her head. I do believe that she understood what I said. Whether she can remember it as she grows old, is another matter. I am making a mental note to have this conversation again when she is older.

After a while, Gracie declared solemnly that she wanted to be a princess. I smiled. Gracie has always been fascinated by fairy tales about princesses. Gracie then wondered out loud about how she will find a prince.

"There are many princes in this world. In the many stories that daddy told you, there is always just one prince. But when you put all the stories together, there are many princes, right?"

"What is important is to be good at what you will do when you grow up. The right prince will then come looking for you. Remember, there are good princes and there are bad princes."

"Surely, you do not want a rich prince who will eat so much that he will become a fatty, five years after marriage? Or a prince who just want to dance all day and make your feet hurt? Or a prince who is good looking but squander all his money and let you go hungry?"

"So, do you want to be a clever princess? Or just a pretty princess who is not good at anything?"

"I want to be a clever princess!"

That's my girl!

You Used To Cover Me With Blanket

I heard this from a colleague the other day and I thought it is totally hilarious. We are talking about our spouses over lunch, giving a newly wedded some advice. My colleague shared how his wife would complain about petty stuff. His wife said he used to make sure that she was covered properly with a blanket at night but now, he is not so attentive. That had me laughing because those are the exact words that my wife used.

Momento For The Afterlife

Yesterday, my daughter, Gracie asked me to choose between two of her soft toys, a teddy bear and the alien creature from the Stephen Chow's movie, CJ7. I chose the teddy bear. Gracie then said, "Bring it along with you when you go to heaven. When you miss me, just look at this."

Lately, Gracie, 2 months shy of her fifth birthday, was concerned about me dying. She then hugged me and told me that she is afraid that I will grow old.

I remember when I was young, I cried secretly at the thought that my mother will one day die. But I was definitely not as young as Gracie then. I was perhaps ten or so. I wish Gracie will have more care free days before having to think about the more morbid stuff of life. My father and grandmother died when Gracie was three. Earlier in the day, at the playground, I overheard her telling a playmate about her family members and that her grandfather had passed away. I am not sure what led to these thoughts about death. I suspect it is some of the TV drama that she watched. Mental note - need to cut down on TV time.

Re-learning Mandarin

Oh-uh! I am in trouble. I know this day is coming but I didn't expect it to come so soon - coming to grip with my Chinese language again.

Gracie asked me how to write the numerals in Mandarin. Normally, Raine would handle Mandarin while I handle the English language for our 5-years old. But hey, I can handle 1 to 10. Yeah, right! I got stuck at 9. I had a hint of the problem at 7. I can vaguely remember the numbers but I wasn't so sure and 9 took the opportunity to floor me. I had to admit to Gracie that I had forgotten. It came back to me after a few minutes but it hit me that I had forgotten so much of what I had learnt in school. Just at a time when Mr Lee Kwan Yew was encouraging Singaporeans to use more Mandarin at home with their children and leave English to be taught by teachers at school.

Sheesh! Need to hit the book on Mandarin again. Just to keep up and be able to tutor Gracie. I gave on Mandarin years ago. I absolutely hated the subject. Mainly because of one lousy teacher - Mr Tan, my Mandarin lesson teacher in Primary 3 and Primary 5. I was tortured for 2 whole years and traumatised for the past thirty odd years. I look forward to Mandarin lesson as eagerly as one would look forward to having one's finger nails yanked out, and then dipped in sea water. I was humiliated every week when the result of the weekly spelling test was announced. I was made to stand in front of the class and given a dressing down before being smacked on my palm with a ruler.

The worst was dealt by my classmate. Once, my teacher organised a class debate in Primary 5 and divided the class into 2 opposing teams. The topic was whether a woman can be the President of Singapore. I was one of the top students in my class then (but obviously not in Chinese language). So, over my feeble protests (I was already paralysed whenever I attended Mandarin lessons), my classmate chose me to be one of the debaters. I was sick in the stomach for a few days. When the day of the debate came, my team mates thrusted at me, a few newspaper clippings and told me to read them. The next 5 minutes seem like hours as I stuttered and muttered. I broke out in cold sweats when I realised I could not even read most of the words. After a while, I gave up trying and fell silent. The whole class was quiet for a few moments, adding to my severe discomfort. It was worst than being hit by my teacher - the realisation that I was indeed that bad in my command of the Chinese language.

Fortunately, I had great teachers in Primary 6 and Secondary 4. The crucial years for examination (Primary School Leaving Examination and O Level respectively). Mdm Chen and Mrs Lim were perhaps, the most influential people in my life. They did not gave up on me. They gave me good reasons to study harder. Amazingly, I scored A for PLSE Chinese language and B3 for O level.

Of course, after leaving school, I left behind my Mandarin. In daily life, I use either English or Hainanese. I only spoke Mandarin to a few close friends. Well, until I met Raine. That is a story that I have already written about earlier.

Moving forward, I need to regain my proficiency in Mandarin. Sign!~ Thankfully, Mdm Chen and Mrs Lim had already proven to me that I can do it. Now it is for me to demonstrate to Gracie.

The Game Of 5 Stones

I bought a pack of "5 stones" for Gracie recently, from the museum. 5 stones is a game played with little bean bags. It was popular with girls when I was young. It certainly bring back memories as I also like playing 5 stones.

It is a good game for practising eye-hand coordination. It is played with 5 bean bags that can all fit into the palm of a child.

Here are the rules for the game of 5 stones.

Decide who get to start first. The player's turn ends when a mistake is made. To be continued from the point where the mistake was made when the other player makes a mistake.

A player would go through a cycle of tossing and catching the bags or "stones". Completing a cycle would earn a point. The player with the most points wins.

Here is how you play the game of 5 stones:
Step 1: Throw the 5 stones on the ground. Using only one hand, pick and throw one in the air, while picking up another. Then catch the first stone before it lands on the floor. Throw one of the stones in your hand and then pick up another from the floor. Catch the airborne stone before it hits the ground. repeat until all the stones are in your hand.

Step 2: This is the same as step 1 but you pick up 2 stones at a time after throwing one in the air.

Step 3: Same as step 1 and 2 but this time, you catch 3 stones after throwing the first stone in the air. For the remaining stone, do as per step 1.

Step 4: Throw 1 stone in the air and scoop up all the remaining 4 stones before catching the first stone.

Step 5: With all the stones in your palm, throw 1 in the air. Then place the remaining 4 on the floor before catching the first stone. Then repeat step 4.

Step 6: Throw all the stones onto the floor. Pick 2 and throw 1 in the air, exchange the stone in your hand with another from the ground. Then catch the falling stone. Repeat

Step 7: This is like step 6 but throw 2 stones in the air. Pick one from the ground and catch the first 2 falling stones, one in each hand. Repeat until you have 3 stones in one hand and 2 stones in the other. Throw the 2 stones in the air and catch one with each hand. Finish by throwing the last stone in hand and catching it with the other hand.

Step 8: Throw all the 5 stones. Let your opponent choose a stone to be thrown. Then play as like step 4.