Life's cycle

This is a belated post. It was filed under draft and forgotten....

My father was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer 2 weeks ago. Today, I learnt that the doctor gave him 15% chance of living for one year. Double that if on chemotherapy.

I do not know my father well. He was hooked on gambling for most of his life, enstrangling my mother and the rest of the family. I do not know him at all.


The longest conversation we ever had was a few years ago when he was first stricken by hypertension and fainted. The next day, I took time out from work to see how he was. I spent more than 30 min lecturing him on his failure as a father and husband. He was sober....

Powered By Milk

It seems that the duration of our outing is dictated by the supply of milk. A bottle for every 3 hours. Gracie also like the comfort of the child safety seat. She often falls asleep during a drive. I would then need to time the drive properly to avoid disturbing her nap too often. It is either a rushed meal to get home before her nap time or a slower than usual drive. Or a long detour going up to Mount Faber so that she can sleep longer.

I think we have spoilt her somewhat. She has probably seen more of Singapore than many people. Right before her third month, we started to bring her out. Her first trip out was to the flower festival at the Sentosa. She was asleep for half the time. Nowaday, she look forward to an outing. Her favourite must be to the children playground. She can't walk but will flail her hands wildly in excitement at the sight of children playing. When I do take her out for a stroll just before dinner when no children are playing, she will be pensive. In fact, as she grew older, she smiles less. Perhaps, due to flat expressions that greet her as people hurried on their way home after a long day. She still gaggles and giggles at strangers if they do look at her. And she will then turn her face away coyly, stuffing both her hands into her mouth. That usually provokes a delighted smile. Otherwise, she will stare intently at each and every person who walks past, hoping for some human response. I hope she will not lose that innocent happiness too soon.

We want to expose her to as many different sights as possible. Her passport has been processed and we are planning for her first overseas trip. To China, her mother's homeland. I cannot accompany her throughout due to work commitment. My heart already aches at the thought of not seeing her for a few weeks. Well, for now, it is the regular trips to the botanical garden, parks and malls. Powered by milk in thermo flask.

Back to work! Sigh!~

I went back to work today after a long 3 months break. By mid-morning, I start to miss Gracie badly. I kept picturing her flapping her arms, signalling that she wants to be pick up. During lunchbreak, I gave a call home. Raine immediately bombarded me with irritated questions. Why didn't I replace the washing machine lint filter after washing it? Why did I dump my towel together with the other dirty clothes? Ack ack ack ack!!! I didn't even get a chance to answer and then she asked me ,what's up? What am I calling about?
er.....I suddenly remember why I would be glad to go back to work.
"I miss you both, dear."
"Really! All the time that you were home, you had to spend your time on the computer!"

I had long learnt that silence is the best defense when she is in one of her moods.

Too bad, Gracie can't talk yet. Well, I hope that she will still be awake when I get home. I am also as happy to watch her sleep peacefully. After all these years, there is finally something that really make the drive home enjoyable. And absence do make the heart fonder.