When Raine was pregnant, a senior colleague, Prakesh, gave me this advice. He said carry and hug your child as much as you like. Do not heed the advice of some old folks who think that carrying a baby too often would lead to undesirable behaviour from the baby. This seems to be a common thinking among the Chinese and Indian. Prakesh who is a grandfather lamented otherwise. He advised that children will grow up fast and before you know it, they will be running away from you. He regret not carrying and holding his grandchild often enough. Now the child desist being carried.
When I was younger I have heard this from my grandmother. Do not spoil a baby by carrying him or her whenever the baby cries. With Gracie, I did not really think about this issue. I just did what is natural. I would hold her and protect her. Now Raine constantly complained that I had spoiled her. Gracie would want to be carried whenever we go out, shopping or for a meal. Raine is annoyed because she is suffering from "slipped disc" and could not carry Gracie.
Gracie get plenty of exercise running and playing, of course. In fact, she loves to climb stairs. I would sometimes allow her to climb the stairs instead of taking the lift to our apartment. 9 flights of stairs.
I must admit that Gracie is somewhat spoiled in that way but it delights my mother to no end. My mother who must be among the most patient person anywhere, would drop whatever she is doing and carrying her precious granddaughter whenever Gracie went to her and asked to be carried. Sometimes out of the blue, Gracie would say, "it has been a long while since I was carried." It would bring a big smile to my mother's face as she hug and carry Gracie. "Bao. Bao"- that's Mandarin for hug, hold or carry. And Gracie's command to be carried.
Now I understand Prakesh's advice. Some day, Gracie would be too big to be carried. She would be too busy exploring the world as well. I hope she will always find time for "Bao.Bao."
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
The Little Rascal
My mother related this over dinner. She called Gracie a little rascal and spoke about how Gracie insisted on changing her spectacles. My mother has a pair of reading spectacles in addition to a pair that she would wear when out of the house. That is to rectify slight shortsightedness. Some time Gracie ago had noticed that my mother would wear spectacles occasionally. Gracie has this funny thing for maintaining things as they were. So she started insisting that my mother put on her spectacles when at home. Gracie also discerned that there are two different pairs of spectacles. My mother had told her that one is for reading and the other is for looking at the bus or train. Gracie corrected her saying, one is reading newspaper (because that is all that my mother read around the house) and the other is for looking at Gracie. That brought much mirth to the family.
So that day, as my mother was telling me, Gracie interrupted her reading, patiently folded up the newspaper and spoke my mother to change her spectacles. She said, "No, no, no. This is for reading newspaper. Go wear the pair that is for looking at Gracie!"
It is a good thing that Gracie has endeared herself to my mother. After my father passed away, my mother was staying alone by herself. She refused to move in with me or any of my brothers. At 70 years old, she still want to continue working as a cleaner at a school. My mother only stayed with us when my wife suffered severe back pain which was later diagnosed as "slipped disc". My mother stays with us during the weekdays to take care of Gracie while my wife recovers. Initially, she took a month's no-pay leave. Later, she quited when her supervisor objected to the leave. I can tell that she missed going to work and hanging out with her friends. Thankfully, Gracie more than make up for what she lost. It took a while before Gracie warmed up to her. Previously, Gracie would cling to me or my wife and would not allow anybody else to carry her. Nowadays, Gracie would walk up to my mother whenever my mother is preoccupied with some thing, reading or washing up, and clapped her hands. That is her signal for wanting to be carried and hugged. When my mother said she is busy, Gracie would replied that it has been a long time since she was last hugged. That totally demolished any objections and brought a smile to my mother's face. "Little rascal!", she would happily say.
So that day, as my mother was telling me, Gracie interrupted her reading, patiently folded up the newspaper and spoke my mother to change her spectacles. She said, "No, no, no. This is for reading newspaper. Go wear the pair that is for looking at Gracie!"
It is a good thing that Gracie has endeared herself to my mother. After my father passed away, my mother was staying alone by herself. She refused to move in with me or any of my brothers. At 70 years old, she still want to continue working as a cleaner at a school. My mother only stayed with us when my wife suffered severe back pain which was later diagnosed as "slipped disc". My mother stays with us during the weekdays to take care of Gracie while my wife recovers. Initially, she took a month's no-pay leave. Later, she quited when her supervisor objected to the leave. I can tell that she missed going to work and hanging out with her friends. Thankfully, Gracie more than make up for what she lost. It took a while before Gracie warmed up to her. Previously, Gracie would cling to me or my wife and would not allow anybody else to carry her. Nowadays, Gracie would walk up to my mother whenever my mother is preoccupied with some thing, reading or washing up, and clapped her hands. That is her signal for wanting to be carried and hugged. When my mother said she is busy, Gracie would replied that it has been a long time since she was last hugged. That totally demolished any objections and brought a smile to my mother's face. "Little rascal!", she would happily say.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Swimming
We had brought Gracie for a swim several times. She was terrified of going up to her waist in water. So she would just play at the edge of the children swimming pool. Actually, she rather not go to the swimming pool at all. This gradually changed until two days ago, she started enjoying splashing about in the water. Even after she slipped and swallowed a gulp of water, she still enjoyed the outing. This acceptance took quite a while. On hindsight, it was important not to rush a child with things that she fear. What we did, was to combine her favourite activity with playing in the swimming pool. Her favourite past time is playing with sand. She is happiest with an outing to the beach. Some thing which we try to make a monthly affair. However, the sea side is not the best place to allay her fear of water. Gracie cried the first time at the sea side because of the loud noise of the waves. It took a while before she allowed us to carry her to the water edge.
One of my uncle's condominium has a sand pit near the swimming pool. The first time that Gracie went there, she thoroughly enjoyed herself. She started off playing with buckets of sand and then venture to splash about in the children swimming pool. We brought her to my uncle's place twice after that. Each time, Gracie grew bolder. Last weekend, we brought her to the nearby public swimming pool. That's when she finally overcame her fear of water. She is still cautious but now she doesn't mind going in the pool for a dip. Now she can't wait for the next trip to the swimming pool.
One of my uncle's condominium has a sand pit near the swimming pool. The first time that Gracie went there, she thoroughly enjoyed herself. She started off playing with buckets of sand and then venture to splash about in the children swimming pool. We brought her to my uncle's place twice after that. Each time, Gracie grew bolder. Last weekend, we brought her to the nearby public swimming pool. That's when she finally overcame her fear of water. She is still cautious but now she doesn't mind going in the pool for a dip. Now she can't wait for the next trip to the swimming pool.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Spare The Rod?
Lately, Gracie has been throwing tantrum. It is said that children will start testing their limits when they are two years old. They would start saying no. And we all know that children would throw tantrum to get their ways.
Gracie is especially stubborn. Both my mother and mother-in-law think so too. She would cry easily, just to get what she wants. She is already immuned to my wife's threat and scolding. My wife has a quick temper so Gracie has gotten used to it. My wife has given up as well. My wife will then blame me for not being firm. It is not that I do not discipline Gracie. I am stubborn too, I guess. Nothing affects Gracie more than being ignored by me. By now, she has learnt that I can be unyielding and I mean business when I start counting to three. If she does not listen to me, I would ignore her for the rest of the day. Actually, I would feel very bad and my day would be spoilt. Fortunately, Gracie has learnt to stop crying whenever I start the countdown. Initially, there were twice when she wouldn't back down even when it was time for bed. My wife chided me the next day when I continued the silent treatment. It was difficult. Gracie would stand right next to me and told my wife that I was angry with, that she had been naughty. I really do not want her to go to sleep with unhappy memories. I think I did right as Gracie has learnt to obey when I get serious. I worry about my wife though. There were a few times when she lost control and gave Gracie a hard pat on her leg or bum. I can see that there will be more serious conflict between the two.
My wife related this to me the other day. One of her friend caned her children. Apparently, she was so mad with them that she shouted that she cannot tolerate it anymore and then caned them. When she quietened down, her son sobbingly told her, "Next time, do not control your anger. Hit me whenever you are angry. Do not wait till you can't take it anymore. It is too frightening!" She had accidentally left a scar on her son's face with her cane.
I remember when I was caned by my mother. I was probably less than 10 years old. I do not remember that I did anything particularly bad. I think my mother broke down because of a quarrel with my father. I remembered because she was crying after she hit me. And I felt her pain more than my own,
Gracie is especially stubborn. Both my mother and mother-in-law think so too. She would cry easily, just to get what she wants. She is already immuned to my wife's threat and scolding. My wife has a quick temper so Gracie has gotten used to it. My wife has given up as well. My wife will then blame me for not being firm. It is not that I do not discipline Gracie. I am stubborn too, I guess. Nothing affects Gracie more than being ignored by me. By now, she has learnt that I can be unyielding and I mean business when I start counting to three. If she does not listen to me, I would ignore her for the rest of the day. Actually, I would feel very bad and my day would be spoilt. Fortunately, Gracie has learnt to stop crying whenever I start the countdown. Initially, there were twice when she wouldn't back down even when it was time for bed. My wife chided me the next day when I continued the silent treatment. It was difficult. Gracie would stand right next to me and told my wife that I was angry with, that she had been naughty. I really do not want her to go to sleep with unhappy memories. I think I did right as Gracie has learnt to obey when I get serious. I worry about my wife though. There were a few times when she lost control and gave Gracie a hard pat on her leg or bum. I can see that there will be more serious conflict between the two.
My wife related this to me the other day. One of her friend caned her children. Apparently, she was so mad with them that she shouted that she cannot tolerate it anymore and then caned them. When she quietened down, her son sobbingly told her, "Next time, do not control your anger. Hit me whenever you are angry. Do not wait till you can't take it anymore. It is too frightening!" She had accidentally left a scar on her son's face with her cane.
I remember when I was caned by my mother. I was probably less than 10 years old. I do not remember that I did anything particularly bad. I think my mother broke down because of a quarrel with my father. I remembered because she was crying after she hit me. And I felt her pain more than my own,
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
A Time To Be Silent
My wife and I had a little tiff the other day. We were talking about something and our voices got louder. Gracie quickly stepped in to defuse the situation. She said,"hao le, hao le, bu yao jiang le!" - "OK, OK, don't talk anymore!". And gave both of us a grin.
She is still more than 2 months shy of her third birthday. Already, she learnt how to step between us to calm things down. We were not really quarrelling. As usual, my wife refused to admit that she has slipped up. Normally, I will just ignore it. That time, she irked me by talking about the matter for the third time. We had returned from grocery shopping. My wife bought 2 packs of diaper. Each pack is supposed to come with a free kiddy tee-shirt. When putting things away, I noticed that one pack is the normal one without the tee-shirt. When I told my wife, she immediately started to accuse (1.) me, as usual, of losing it, (2.) the bad-hearted people in general, for stealing it (3.) the cashier for swopping the pack etc etc.
I was annoyed the first time. Irritated the second time. When she brought it again for the third time after half an hour, I told her straight in the face that she has taken the wrong pack. A big mistake. So our voices got louder and louder till Gracie stepped in. That was 2 days ago. Just today, my wife told that I always refuse to admit when I am wrong. I chortled and kept quiet.
She is still more than 2 months shy of her third birthday. Already, she learnt how to step between us to calm things down. We were not really quarrelling. As usual, my wife refused to admit that she has slipped up. Normally, I will just ignore it. That time, she irked me by talking about the matter for the third time. We had returned from grocery shopping. My wife bought 2 packs of diaper. Each pack is supposed to come with a free kiddy tee-shirt. When putting things away, I noticed that one pack is the normal one without the tee-shirt. When I told my wife, she immediately started to accuse (1.) me, as usual, of losing it, (2.) the bad-hearted people in general, for stealing it (3.) the cashier for swopping the pack etc etc.
I was annoyed the first time. Irritated the second time. When she brought it again for the third time after half an hour, I told her straight in the face that she has taken the wrong pack. A big mistake. So our voices got louder and louder till Gracie stepped in. That was 2 days ago. Just today, my wife told that I always refuse to admit when I am wrong. I chortled and kept quiet.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
