Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Of Orphans And Separation

I was reading about a community project carried out by the US and Malaysia armed forces as part of their bilateral military exercise. They helped an orphanage by improving the facilities and bringing cheer to the children. These are orphans of Malaysian military personnel. Somehow the word 'orphan' made my heart ache. The thought of how tramautic it must be for them when they first lost their parents.

Later in the night, I recalled a news article I read on Sunday. It is about parents who leave their child in the care of a relative while they work.

One six-years old child was cared for by her grandmother on weekdays and returned home only during the weekend. It is not ideal as her parent explained, their situation does not allow them to have the best of both worlds. The parents are both IT professionals and their irregular working hours mean that they cannot use a childcare centre. They may not be available to pick up their child before the child care centre closes at 7pm. This has an adverse effect on the child. She developed behavioural problems like being anti-social and not wanting to go to school. The mother had to double the frequency of her visits to see her child, from once to twice a week, in addition to bringing her home on Friday instead of Saturday.

A young woman shared that for 12 years, home was where her heart was but where she could not be. She was subjected to the same arrangement as her parents are busy running their own businesses. However, 5 years after she finally moved back home, she find it hard to adjust. She was always envious of other children who can be with their parents. She does not have find memories of her childhood. Hugging her mother and refusing to let go was a routine every week when she was dropped off at her aunt's place.

When I was young, I was often left in the care of my maternal grandmother. I remember crying when my mother left. Later she would resort to sneaking away without goodbye. I did not have a particularly bad memories of those times. There was much to keep me entertained at my grandmother's house. It was surrounded by a garden and I spent ours exploring everything. Still, I dreaded going to my grandmother's place. I did not know how hard it was for my mother. Almost forty years later, she confided that she cried too. The first time she dropped me off, she actually returned to bring me home, after having a change of heart while on the bus home.

For me, nothing is worth the special bond between my daughter, Gracie and me. I don't need to be a millionaire and retire young. I will forgo all that in order to be around to catch the special and the ordinary moments of my child.

I feel sorry for orphans of the world and for the children who do not get to spend enough time with their parents. I hope they will still enjoy many special moments in their childhood.