I heard this from a colleague the other day and I thought it is totally hilarious. We are talking about our spouses over lunch, giving a newly wedded some advice. My colleague shared how his wife would complain about petty stuff. His wife said he used to make sure that she was covered properly with a blanket at night but now, he is not so attentive. That had me laughing because those are the exact words that my wife used.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Momento For The Afterlife
Yesterday, my daughter, Gracie asked me to choose between two of her soft toys, a teddy bear and the alien creature from the Stephen Chow's movie, CJ7. I chose the teddy bear. Gracie then said, "Bring it along with you when you go to heaven. When you miss me, just look at this."
Lately, Gracie, 2 months shy of her fifth birthday, was concerned about me dying. She then hugged me and told me that she is afraid that I will grow old.
I remember when I was young, I cried secretly at the thought that my mother will one day die. But I was definitely not as young as Gracie then. I was perhaps ten or so. I wish Gracie will have more care free days before having to think about the more morbid stuff of life. My father and grandmother died when Gracie was three. Earlier in the day, at the playground, I overheard her telling a playmate about her family members and that her grandfather had passed away. I am not sure what led to these thoughts about death. I suspect it is some of the TV drama that she watched. Mental note - need to cut down on TV time.
Lately, Gracie, 2 months shy of her fifth birthday, was concerned about me dying. She then hugged me and told me that she is afraid that I will grow old.
I remember when I was young, I cried secretly at the thought that my mother will one day die. But I was definitely not as young as Gracie then. I was perhaps ten or so. I wish Gracie will have more care free days before having to think about the more morbid stuff of life. My father and grandmother died when Gracie was three. Earlier in the day, at the playground, I overheard her telling a playmate about her family members and that her grandfather had passed away. I am not sure what led to these thoughts about death. I suspect it is some of the TV drama that she watched. Mental note - need to cut down on TV time.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Re-learning Mandarin
Oh-uh! I am in trouble. I know this day is coming but I didn't expect it to come so soon - coming to grip with my Chinese language again.
Gracie asked me how to write the numerals in Mandarin. Normally, Raine would handle Mandarin while I handle the English language for our 5-years old. But hey, I can handle 1 to 10. Yeah, right! I got stuck at 9. I had a hint of the problem at 7. I can vaguely remember the numbers but I wasn't so sure and 9 took the opportunity to floor me. I had to admit to Gracie that I had forgotten. It came back to me after a few minutes but it hit me that I had forgotten so much of what I had learnt in school. Just at a time when Mr Lee Kwan Yew was encouraging Singaporeans to use more Mandarin at home with their children and leave English to be taught by teachers at school.
Sheesh! Need to hit the book on Mandarin again. Just to keep up and be able to tutor Gracie. I gave on Mandarin years ago. I absolutely hated the subject. Mainly because of one lousy teacher - Mr Tan, my Mandarin lesson teacher in Primary 3 and Primary 5. I was tortured for 2 whole years and traumatised for the past thirty odd years. I look forward to Mandarin lesson as eagerly as one would look forward to having one's finger nails yanked out, and then dipped in sea water. I was humiliated every week when the result of the weekly spelling test was announced. I was made to stand in front of the class and given a dressing down before being smacked on my palm with a ruler.
The worst was dealt by my classmate. Once, my teacher organised a class debate in Primary 5 and divided the class into 2 opposing teams. The topic was whether a woman can be the President of Singapore. I was one of the top students in my class then (but obviously not in Chinese language). So, over my feeble protests (I was already paralysed whenever I attended Mandarin lessons), my classmate chose me to be one of the debaters. I was sick in the stomach for a few days. When the day of the debate came, my team mates thrusted at me, a few newspaper clippings and told me to read them. The next 5 minutes seem like hours as I stuttered and muttered. I broke out in cold sweats when I realised I could not even read most of the words. After a while, I gave up trying and fell silent. The whole class was quiet for a few moments, adding to my severe discomfort. It was worst than being hit by my teacher - the realisation that I was indeed that bad in my command of the Chinese language.
Fortunately, I had great teachers in Primary 6 and Secondary 4. The crucial years for examination (Primary School Leaving Examination and O Level respectively). Mdm Chen and Mrs Lim were perhaps, the most influential people in my life. They did not gave up on me. They gave me good reasons to study harder. Amazingly, I scored A for PLSE Chinese language and B3 for O level.
Of course, after leaving school, I left behind my Mandarin. In daily life, I use either English or Hainanese. I only spoke Mandarin to a few close friends. Well, until I met Raine. That is a story that I have already written about earlier.
Moving forward, I need to regain my proficiency in Mandarin. Sign!~ Thankfully, Mdm Chen and Mrs Lim had already proven to me that I can do it. Now it is for me to demonstrate to Gracie.
Gracie asked me how to write the numerals in Mandarin. Normally, Raine would handle Mandarin while I handle the English language for our 5-years old. But hey, I can handle 1 to 10. Yeah, right! I got stuck at 9. I had a hint of the problem at 7. I can vaguely remember the numbers but I wasn't so sure and 9 took the opportunity to floor me. I had to admit to Gracie that I had forgotten. It came back to me after a few minutes but it hit me that I had forgotten so much of what I had learnt in school. Just at a time when Mr Lee Kwan Yew was encouraging Singaporeans to use more Mandarin at home with their children and leave English to be taught by teachers at school.
Sheesh! Need to hit the book on Mandarin again. Just to keep up and be able to tutor Gracie. I gave on Mandarin years ago. I absolutely hated the subject. Mainly because of one lousy teacher - Mr Tan, my Mandarin lesson teacher in Primary 3 and Primary 5. I was tortured for 2 whole years and traumatised for the past thirty odd years. I look forward to Mandarin lesson as eagerly as one would look forward to having one's finger nails yanked out, and then dipped in sea water. I was humiliated every week when the result of the weekly spelling test was announced. I was made to stand in front of the class and given a dressing down before being smacked on my palm with a ruler.
The worst was dealt by my classmate. Once, my teacher organised a class debate in Primary 5 and divided the class into 2 opposing teams. The topic was whether a woman can be the President of Singapore. I was one of the top students in my class then (but obviously not in Chinese language). So, over my feeble protests (I was already paralysed whenever I attended Mandarin lessons), my classmate chose me to be one of the debaters. I was sick in the stomach for a few days. When the day of the debate came, my team mates thrusted at me, a few newspaper clippings and told me to read them. The next 5 minutes seem like hours as I stuttered and muttered. I broke out in cold sweats when I realised I could not even read most of the words. After a while, I gave up trying and fell silent. The whole class was quiet for a few moments, adding to my severe discomfort. It was worst than being hit by my teacher - the realisation that I was indeed that bad in my command of the Chinese language.
Fortunately, I had great teachers in Primary 6 and Secondary 4. The crucial years for examination (Primary School Leaving Examination and O Level respectively). Mdm Chen and Mrs Lim were perhaps, the most influential people in my life. They did not gave up on me. They gave me good reasons to study harder. Amazingly, I scored A for PLSE Chinese language and B3 for O level.
Of course, after leaving school, I left behind my Mandarin. In daily life, I use either English or Hainanese. I only spoke Mandarin to a few close friends. Well, until I met Raine. That is a story that I have already written about earlier.
Moving forward, I need to regain my proficiency in Mandarin. Sign!~ Thankfully, Mdm Chen and Mrs Lim had already proven to me that I can do it. Now it is for me to demonstrate to Gracie.
Friday, September 30, 2011
The Game Of 5 Stones
I bought a pack of "5 stones" for Gracie recently, from the museum. 5 stones is a game played with little bean bags. It was popular with girls when I was young. It certainly bring back memories as I also like playing 5 stones.
It is a good game for practising eye-hand coordination. It is played with 5 bean bags that can all fit into the palm of a child.
Here are the rules for the game of 5 stones.
Decide who get to start first. The player's turn ends when a mistake is made. To be continued from the point where the mistake was made when the other player makes a mistake.
A player would go through a cycle of tossing and catching the bags or "stones". Completing a cycle would earn a point. The player with the most points wins.
Here is how you play the game of 5 stones:
Step 1: Throw the 5 stones on the ground. Using only one hand, pick and throw one in the air, while picking up another. Then catch the first stone before it lands on the floor. Throw one of the stones in your hand and then pick up another from the floor. Catch the airborne stone before it hits the ground. repeat until all the stones are in your hand.
Step 2: This is the same as step 1 but you pick up 2 stones at a time after throwing one in the air.
Step 3: Same as step 1 and 2 but this time, you catch 3 stones after throwing the first stone in the air. For the remaining stone, do as per step 1.
Step 4: Throw 1 stone in the air and scoop up all the remaining 4 stones before catching the first stone.
Step 5: With all the stones in your palm, throw 1 in the air. Then place the remaining 4 on the floor before catching the first stone. Then repeat step 4.
Step 6: Throw all the stones onto the floor. Pick 2 and throw 1 in the air, exchange the stone in your hand with another from the ground. Then catch the falling stone. Repeat
Step 7: This is like step 6 but throw 2 stones in the air. Pick one from the ground and catch the first 2 falling stones, one in each hand. Repeat until you have 3 stones in one hand and 2 stones in the other. Throw the 2 stones in the air and catch one with each hand. Finish by throwing the last stone in hand and catching it with the other hand.
Step 8: Throw all the 5 stones. Let your opponent choose a stone to be thrown. Then play as like step 4.
It is a good game for practising eye-hand coordination. It is played with 5 bean bags that can all fit into the palm of a child.
Here are the rules for the game of 5 stones.
Decide who get to start first. The player's turn ends when a mistake is made. To be continued from the point where the mistake was made when the other player makes a mistake.
A player would go through a cycle of tossing and catching the bags or "stones". Completing a cycle would earn a point. The player with the most points wins.
Here is how you play the game of 5 stones:
Step 1: Throw the 5 stones on the ground. Using only one hand, pick and throw one in the air, while picking up another. Then catch the first stone before it lands on the floor. Throw one of the stones in your hand and then pick up another from the floor. Catch the airborne stone before it hits the ground. repeat until all the stones are in your hand.
Step 2: This is the same as step 1 but you pick up 2 stones at a time after throwing one in the air.
Step 3: Same as step 1 and 2 but this time, you catch 3 stones after throwing the first stone in the air. For the remaining stone, do as per step 1.
Step 4: Throw 1 stone in the air and scoop up all the remaining 4 stones before catching the first stone.
Step 5: With all the stones in your palm, throw 1 in the air. Then place the remaining 4 on the floor before catching the first stone. Then repeat step 4.
Step 6: Throw all the stones onto the floor. Pick 2 and throw 1 in the air, exchange the stone in your hand with another from the ground. Then catch the falling stone. Repeat
Step 7: This is like step 6 but throw 2 stones in the air. Pick one from the ground and catch the first 2 falling stones, one in each hand. Repeat until you have 3 stones in one hand and 2 stones in the other. Throw the 2 stones in the air and catch one with each hand. Finish by throwing the last stone in hand and catching it with the other hand.
Step 8: Throw all the 5 stones. Let your opponent choose a stone to be thrown. Then play as like step 4.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
7 Simple Ways To Help Nurture Your Child
I read something similar some time ago. Reflecting on my own experience, I thought it is very true that how we interact with our child is important. Yes, a child needs to hear us say "I love you."
Here are some of the words that we should use on our child everyday to nurture a happy and confident child.
1. What do you think? / Tell me more.
Asking your child what he or she thinks, show that you value his/ her opinion. It gives the child space to develop opinion with your guidance. It increases self-confidence and is great for bonding as it shows that you are interested in what he/ she has to say. Words like 'tell me more', show that you are keen to hear your child's opinion and thinking. It encourages conversation without sounding like you are giving advice.
2. That's alright.
When things don't turn out well, reassurance will help your child to focus on the positive aspect of things.
3. Good Job!
Celebrating small success will build confidence and increases the sense of security. It will spur your child to better achievement. It is the difference between taking on increasingly challenging tasks or giving up at the first sign of trouble.
4. Please and Thank You.
Set the example. Ask your child to do things politely and say thank you to acknowledge the effort. It says that you appreciate your child's effort and that it matters.
5. How are you today?
This is a powerful bonding tool. By showing your child that you are interested in his/ her life, it builds up healthy 2-way communication and your child. It shows that youy are interested in what your child is doing and how he/ she feels.
6. You can do it!
Giving a vote of confidence help to develop determination in your child. Sometimes, everybody need a little push and encouragement.
7. I love it.
You can never say this often enough. Do not assume that your child knows that you love him/ her. Give hugs often. A child will really blossom when he/ she feels loved and secured.
4.
Here are some of the words that we should use on our child everyday to nurture a happy and confident child.
1. What do you think? / Tell me more.
Asking your child what he or she thinks, show that you value his/ her opinion. It gives the child space to develop opinion with your guidance. It increases self-confidence and is great for bonding as it shows that you are interested in what he/ she has to say. Words like 'tell me more', show that you are keen to hear your child's opinion and thinking. It encourages conversation without sounding like you are giving advice.
2. That's alright.
When things don't turn out well, reassurance will help your child to focus on the positive aspect of things.
3. Good Job!
Celebrating small success will build confidence and increases the sense of security. It will spur your child to better achievement. It is the difference between taking on increasingly challenging tasks or giving up at the first sign of trouble.
4. Please and Thank You.
Set the example. Ask your child to do things politely and say thank you to acknowledge the effort. It says that you appreciate your child's effort and that it matters.
5. How are you today?
This is a powerful bonding tool. By showing your child that you are interested in his/ her life, it builds up healthy 2-way communication and your child. It shows that youy are interested in what your child is doing and how he/ she feels.
6. You can do it!
Giving a vote of confidence help to develop determination in your child. Sometimes, everybody need a little push and encouragement.
7. I love it.
You can never say this often enough. Do not assume that your child knows that you love him/ her. Give hugs often. A child will really blossom when he/ she feels loved and secured.
4.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
The Dead Sea Scrolls - Now Available Online
Five of the main Dead Sea scrolls are now available online as part of a joint project between the Israel Museum and Google. The Dead Sea scrolls contain some of the oldest-known surviving biblical texts.
The online digital images are ultra high-resolution images in a format which is easily searchable, with the magnified text revealing details previously invisible to the naked eye.
The Dead Sea scrolls that have been digitised are : the Great Isaiah scroll, the Community Rule scroll, the commentary on Habbakuk, the Temple scroll and the War scroll.
Visit http://dss.collections.imj.org.il/ to view all the text of the Dead Sea scrolls. Don't worry, there is a translation tool available.
The online digital images are ultra high-resolution images in a format which is easily searchable, with the magnified text revealing details previously invisible to the naked eye.
The Dead Sea scrolls that have been digitised are : the Great Isaiah scroll, the Community Rule scroll, the commentary on Habbakuk, the Temple scroll and the War scroll.
Visit http://dss.collections.imj.org.il/ to view all the text of the Dead Sea scrolls. Don't worry, there is a translation tool available.
Monday, August 29, 2011
How Time Flies
I was thinking about an old friend recently. I was trying to recall how long it has been since we last met. It has been more than 7 years I think. Time flies. Time really flies when you get older.
I think it is because most of the more vivid memories are in our prime - when we are in our twenties and thirties. So when we are in our late twenties or thirties, it doesn't seen to be so long ago. But when we hit forties and still think back of the good ole days of the twenties, it seems so long ago. That's when time seems to fly.
We are in our twenties, 5 years is an awfully long time. It is a quarter if our lives. But when we are in our forties, 5 years is but an eighth of a life spent thus far. By comparison, it seems so short.
Being more conscious of how precious time is, made me treasure the time spent with loved ones. Even when Gracie asked me to play Barbie dolls or cooking, I would oblige. In no time, she would grow up and would want more time for herself. So every minute, every hour is to be treasured.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
The Wisdom Of A Child
Recently, my wife asked my 5-years old daughter, Gracie, who she likes. Is it my brother-in-law or my sister-in-law? Now, Gracie don't see them often as they live in China. So she takes a while to warm up to them whenever she visits them in China. During one of the visits, my wife asked this question. Initially, Gracie declined to answer. Quite a diplomat, she is. When pressed for an answer, Gracie, replied that she likes her cousin.
This reminded me of an old Jewish proverb - when given a choice between two paths, choose the third.
The amazing wisdom of a child
This reminded me of an old Jewish proverb - when given a choice between two paths, choose the third.
The amazing wisdom of a child
Friday, July 15, 2011
Take a day off?
My 5-years old daughter, Gracie suggested that I take a day off to keep her company recently. I pointed out that she need to go to school. Her innocent reply? If I take the day off, she could be sick and be excused from class.
Hmmm...
I do treasure the time spent with my daughter. My employer is enlightened enough to grant 6 extra days of leave each year for parents with child who is less than 6 years old. All in, I get 34 days of leave each year. not counting the weekends and holidays. Somehow, that is never enough. Now that Gracie has started schooling, my leave plan revolve around the school holidays. And that is only 4 times a year. Now I start to appreciate the behaviour of colleagues who are parents when I was single.
Hmmm...
I do treasure the time spent with my daughter. My employer is enlightened enough to grant 6 extra days of leave each year for parents with child who is less than 6 years old. All in, I get 34 days of leave each year. not counting the weekends and holidays. Somehow, that is never enough. Now that Gracie has started schooling, my leave plan revolve around the school holidays. And that is only 4 times a year. Now I start to appreciate the behaviour of colleagues who are parents when I was single.
Friday, July 1, 2011
That's Life
My wife pestered me to sign up for Parent Volunteer Program for priority registration to River Valley Primary School for Gracie. And she used her strategic weapons upfront in the opening blow including "why do you not care about your daughter!". I just didn't see it coming and was caught with pant down (Remember. Next time. To avoid being caught with pant down, lock the door when changing out of work clothes.)
Having lost the skirmish, I tried to sign up as volunteer with the school.
"Sorry, if you are registering for primary school in 2012, we stopped accepting parent volunteers on 18 Jan as we had too many! Try registering in June for 2013."
Oops! Well, that's life...
My wife's mood darkened. "See! I told you! I TOLD YOU! Our neighbours had already fulfilled the 40hours of work required.....I don't care......try the next better school...."
Sigh!~Time to don battle armour....
Wait! By stroke of luck, River Valley Primary School was formed by combining 4 old primary schools, one of which was Kim Seng West Primary School which I attended. I checked back with the school. And YES! I am considered an ex-student! And yes, I still have my old school report card. So I have priority over all the parent volunteers! HA!
Yippee! Hoo Whoo! Just like striking the lottery! I am now off the hook, no need to be a parent school volunteer!
Happily, I told my wife and peace prevail in the household for a day......
"Hey, mum, remember my school report card and some junk which I kept in an old metal box in your house?"
"Huh? Where got? All thrown away long ago!". Mother turned her attention back to the Taiwanese TV serial that she was watching. The refrain from the theme song resounded in the room.."wah men tee, wah men teeee (I asked the sky, why , why ,why..."
That's life.
Luckily, there was a happy ending. My Primary School Leaving Examination certificate was still around. PHEWS!
Having lost the skirmish, I tried to sign up as volunteer with the school.
"Sorry, if you are registering for primary school in 2012, we stopped accepting parent volunteers on 18 Jan as we had too many! Try registering in June for 2013."
Oops! Well, that's life...
My wife's mood darkened. "See! I told you! I TOLD YOU! Our neighbours had already fulfilled the 40hours of work required.....I don't care......try the next better school...."
Sigh!~Time to don battle armour....
Wait! By stroke of luck, River Valley Primary School was formed by combining 4 old primary schools, one of which was Kim Seng West Primary School which I attended. I checked back with the school. And YES! I am considered an ex-student! And yes, I still have my old school report card. So I have priority over all the parent volunteers! HA!
Yippee! Hoo Whoo! Just like striking the lottery! I am now off the hook, no need to be a parent school volunteer!
Happily, I told my wife and peace prevail in the household for a day......
"Hey, mum, remember my school report card and some junk which I kept in an old metal box in your house?"
"Huh? Where got? All thrown away long ago!". Mother turned her attention back to the Taiwanese TV serial that she was watching. The refrain from the theme song resounded in the room.."wah men tee, wah men teeee (I asked the sky, why , why ,why..."
That's life.
Luckily, there was a happy ending. My Primary School Leaving Examination certificate was still around. PHEWS!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Preparing for Primary School
Getting into a good primary school in Singapore requires some preparation. Recently, I was coerced into volunteering for the school of choice by my wife. Unfortunately, River Valley Primary School stopped accepting parent volunteers 6 months ago. And that was for children going to primary in 2012! Many parents have already completed the required 40 hrs of volunteer work 2 years ahead. That would give them priority for registration under Phase 2B. I was about to sign up with Radin Mas Primary School when I found out that I qualified as an old boy for River Valley Primary School. My old primary school, Kim Seng West Primary School was combined with Kim Seng East Primary School to form Kim Seng Primary School a few years after I left. Subsequently, Kim Seng Primary was combined with River Valley English School and River Valley Chinese School, to form River Valley Primary School. So luckily, my stint in Kim Seng West Primary School was considered to be having studied at River Valley Primary School. That gave me priority under Phase 2A(2). Just ahead of the parent volunteers! Phews! Based on the vacancies, Gracie is more or less assured of a place in River Valley Primary School. I will be tracking the vacancies by phases during this year's registration exercise. It will give interested parents an idea of their chances at each phase of Singapore's complicated primary school registration process.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Preparing for Fatherhood
Gracie is now 5 years old. Looking back, I guess I do not prepare myself at all for fatherhood. Fortunately, things worked out well although there were trying times. I want to document some of my thoughts on how to prepare for fatherhood. I hope you will benefit from my experience.
It take time and effort. So obviously, there will be compromises. I gave up golf for more than 5 years now although I am still paying for my country club membership all this while. I think I seriously need to think about giving the membership all together. I spend almost all my time with Gracie when I am not at work. I had thought that I would have more free time when she is older. Wrong there. As she grew, she sleep less. When she could communicate, she want to be engaged in activities all the time. So I spend hours reading to her, playing with a toy kitchen and play dough. They said that fatherhood is tough, well, I have no idea that it is testing me in different dimensions.
I guess I did not have a good role model for starter. Looking back, I guess there are ways to compensate. By observing others for example. Anyway, I was very worried about whether I would do well as father. So I tried very hard. I think I may have borrowed close to a thousand books to read to Gracie. I can borrow up to 24 books at a time and I visit the library twice or trice a week.
I am tough. I can take the sleepless nights and the physical demands. Whew! It is the emotional demands that knocked me down many times. I quickly learnt to keep a level head. My wife has a quick temper. So I had to compensate and provide the stability for a healthy environment. I think a good temperment is especially important now that Gracie is old enough to observe our behaviour as parents. When she was younger, there was one occasion when I smashed my fist on the coffee and stormed out of the house with Gracie in arms. That stopped the quarrel between my wife and her mother. But that didn't stopped my wife from blowing up every now and then. I kept my temper even as I squeamed inside as I tried to remind my wife not to quarrel in front of Gracie. I guess a good strong bond between spouses is a necessity for parenthood. It is a great support for the trials of parenthood. So even as you get busy in parenting, do not forget to nourish your relationship with your wife. Take time out alone. My wife really appreciate that I tried. We could not go out alone ourselves until recently. If neither of us was with Gracie, she would cry. Boy, can she cry. The first time my wife and I tried going to a pub, Gracie cried for 2 hours until my wife reached home. My wife only stayed in the pub for 15min before my mother gave up and recalled us. My wife graciously allowed me to stay with my friends for a drink. It would be years later before we could go out together. Nowadays, my wife would go out for partying with her friends while I stay home. I guess I can do without the partying although I still meet up with friends occasionally.
Before I was married, I did not interact much with my nieces and nephews. Such prior experience of looking after children would have helped. The first time that I had such an experience was bringing my wife's nephew to a shopping mall by myself. It was uncomfortable at first, being solely responsible for a young child. Well, I guess a new father would very quickly settle down in this area. Still, it would help to be prepared.
At this stage of my life, I am most concerned about work life balance. I am fortunately that my employer is a strong advocate of work life balance. At the national level, Singapore encourages happy family life and wellness. I get 6 days of child care leave each year. That is most welcomed. But then I realised that I could hardly consumed my annual leave in the first place. That make me sit and think about my working life. In the past 2 years, I have twice rejected an overseas posting to France and Australia. It would have been good for Gracie to expose her to a different environment. But I have other considerations. My mother has a growing attachment to Gracie. She would not leave with us if I were posted overseas. I do want my mother to be happy in her old age. I cannot be a good parent without being good to my parent. How we do one thing, is how we do everything.
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