Quarrels

Raine has a short fuse. She just had another of those sudden squalls. She would blow her fuse over small matter. When I refused to be dragged into a quarrel, she would simmer within and just erupt suddenly. It just happened an hour ago. Looking back with some mirth, I guessed I had learnt something. In the past, I would totally ignore her, which would infuriate her more. Just now, I decided that I should apologise and so I did. It caught her by surprise and she sulkingly said everything is fine.

It started innocently. She was feeding Gracie. Something which she has no patience for. I offered to take over but Gracie insisted otherwise. So Raine was stuck with the task. Feeding Gracie normally take an hour. Only my mother is happy doing so - most of the time. Even my mother get exasperated sometimes. Anyway, Raine was getting irritated because Gracie was taking her own sweet time chewing. Raine raised her voice several times. Gracie then asked for water and she did so in a loud voice. I immediately admonished her in a soft tone. Raine made a sarcastic remark about the way I spoke softly. I was annoyed that she did so in front of Gracie. I retorted that Gracie learnt to be rude and loud from her. That hit a tender spot! Raine then shouted at me, saying that I am setting a bad example by saying such things in front of Gracie. Talk about irony. I grew angry and just clammed up. When I refused to engage in verbal combat, Raine's rage would grow and spin out of control. This time is no different. After 10 minutes, when Gracie was slow in taking another spoonful, Raine threw down the bowl with a bang and strode off into the bedroom, slamming the door loudly after her.

I was furious because I can see that Gracie was visibly affected. My mother heard the door slammed and she came into the living room to see what was wrong. She is wise and she kept quiet instead of asking what's wrong. I went on to feed Gracie. Gracie was tired as she did not nap in the afternoon. As usual, Raine did not try hard enough to get Gracie to sleep. That is another thing that gnaws at me.

Gracie fall asleep almost as soon as she finished eating. She asked for her mother because she knew something was not right. She did not protest as she normally would, when I told her that mommy is having a bath. Gracie then asked to be carried and she fall asleep in my arms within minutes.

I carried Gracie to the bedroom. Raine hurried to get the bed ready. She did not give the cold treatment to both of us as I had expected, so I relented as well. After putting Gracie to bed, I touched Raine and apologised. She refused to look at me but she replied that she was fine. Many times in the past when we had such quarrel, I would simply ignore her and go for a walk. Raine simply could not accept that. She needs to blow off her anger by yelling and arguing. Over the years, we have both learnt to be more accommodating. I know she has accepted that I do not like confrontation and I learn to just stand still in the firing zone for a while. Many times in the past, our quarrels lasted for 1 - 2 days. And they are normally over trivial matters. I guess that is part of marriage - to be continually tested.