Gracie is now 5 years old. Looking back, I guess I do not prepare myself at all for fatherhood. Fortunately, things worked out well although there were trying times. I want to document some of my thoughts on how to prepare for fatherhood. I hope you will benefit from my experience.
It take time and effort. So obviously, there will be compromises. I gave up golf for more than 5 years now although I am still paying for my country club membership all this while. I think I seriously need to think about giving the membership all together. I spend almost all my time with Gracie when I am not at work. I had thought that I would have more free time when she is older. Wrong there. As she grew, she sleep less. When she could communicate, she want to be engaged in activities all the time. So I spend hours reading to her, playing with a toy kitchen and play dough. They said that fatherhood is tough, well, I have no idea that it is testing me in different dimensions.
I guess I did not have a good role model for starter. Looking back, I guess there are ways to compensate. By observing others for example. Anyway, I was very worried about whether I would do well as father. So I tried very hard. I think I may have borrowed close to a thousand books to read to Gracie. I can borrow up to 24 books at a time and I visit the library twice or trice a week.
I am tough. I can take the sleepless nights and the physical demands. Whew! It is the emotional demands that knocked me down many times. I quickly learnt to keep a level head. My wife has a quick temper. So I had to compensate and provide the stability for a healthy environment. I think a good temperment is especially important now that Gracie is old enough to observe our behaviour as parents. When she was younger, there was one occasion when I smashed my fist on the coffee and stormed out of the house with Gracie in arms. That stopped the quarrel between my wife and her mother. But that didn't stopped my wife from blowing up every now and then. I kept my temper even as I squeamed inside as I tried to remind my wife not to quarrel in front of Gracie. I guess a good strong bond between spouses is a necessity for parenthood. It is a great support for the trials of parenthood. So even as you get busy in parenting, do not forget to nourish your relationship with your wife. Take time out alone. My wife really appreciate that I tried. We could not go out alone ourselves until recently. If neither of us was with Gracie, she would cry. Boy, can she cry. The first time my wife and I tried going to a pub, Gracie cried for 2 hours until my wife reached home. My wife only stayed in the pub for 15min before my mother gave up and recalled us. My wife graciously allowed me to stay with my friends for a drink. It would be years later before we could go out together. Nowadays, my wife would go out for partying with her friends while I stay home. I guess I can do without the partying although I still meet up with friends occasionally.
Before I was married, I did not interact much with my nieces and nephews. Such prior experience of looking after children would have helped. The first time that I had such an experience was bringing my wife's nephew to a shopping mall by myself. It was uncomfortable at first, being solely responsible for a young child. Well, I guess a new father would very quickly settle down in this area. Still, it would help to be prepared.
At this stage of my life, I am most concerned about work life balance. I am fortunately that my employer is a strong advocate of work life balance. At the national level, Singapore encourages happy family life and wellness. I get 6 days of child care leave each year. That is most welcomed. But then I realised that I could hardly consumed my annual leave in the first place. That make me sit and think about my working life. In the past 2 years, I have twice rejected an overseas posting to France and Australia. It would have been good for Gracie to expose her to a different environment. But I have other considerations. My mother has a growing attachment to Gracie. She would not leave with us if I were posted overseas. I do want my mother to be happy in her old age. I cannot be a good parent without being good to my parent. How we do one thing, is how we do everything.
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